Myles' Weekend Adventures: Bonjour mon amis! Comment ca va? Myles Shaffer here. Shades of Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger! It was an interesting Halloween weekend filled with beautiful women! The curious ghouls and gals should now read on to see exactly what I am babbling about...

Lizzy Borden

Thursday, October 30Th, I went to the City of Industry Spearmint Rhino to spent a little time with Lizzy Borden and to observe both of her shows.

Unfortunately, I got hung up and arrived late. When I walked in the door, Lizzy was already nude on the stage and in the final phase of her first show.

Since Lizzy graciously sat with me and gave me some details, I will still be able to write a little something about her first show of the evening.

For her first performance of the evening, Lizzy did her, ''Hannibal Lecter Show. For this performance, she wore a mask like the one the Hannibal Lecter character wore to keep him from biting people in the movie, ''Silence of the Lambs.'' Lizzy also wore an orange mental institution style jump suit and a white strait jacket. Beneath the jump suit, Lizzy wore a red, black and white bikini bra and red panties. Last but not least, Lizzy wore a pair of black, latex vinyl, knee-high, high-heeled, platform-soled boots. Lizzy also carried a butcher knife onto the stage as she does at the start of many of her shows.

Lizzy told me that to start the show, she was wheeled to the stage on a dolly the way the Hannibal Lecter character was moved around in the movie.

Lizzy told me that the music for this show consisted of approximately twenty seconds of Hannibal Lecter dialogue from, ''Silence of the Lambs,'' followed by, ''You Don't Know,'' by Eminem, then, ''Disturbia,'' by Rhianna, and ending with, ''Down with the Sickness,'' by Disturbed.

For her final show of the evening, Rob Black placed a small black cauldron, an artificial leg severed from the knee down and an artificial gray marble tombstone in the middle of the stage. (the tombstone had a woman's face craved in relief near the top. Under the face were large letters that spelled out, ''Borden.'' Beneath that were smaller letters that read, ''Here lies Lizzy,'' and beneath that were the dates 1860 - 1927, which are the years of the original Lizzy Borden's birth and death.

During Lizzy's introduction, Rob Black and a male club employee carried an old fashioned mahogany casket with brass handles onto the stage and placed it by the other props.

Once the casket was in place, and Lizzy's music began to play, the coffin lid opened and out climbed Lizzy clutching an artificial severed arm.

Lizzy was wearing the same style and color hat as that worn by the Freddy Krueger character in the Nightmare On Elm Street movies. She also wore a red and green shirt, black panties and black hose that had horizontal slits from her ankles to her buttocks across the backs of her legs. Beneath her shirt, Lizzy wore a black string bikini bra with red and yellow flames on the breast cups. (Lizzy told me that her inspiration for the flamed design was the fact that the Freddy Krueger character had already been burned to death by an enraged mob before the original, ''A Nightmare On Elm Street,'' got started.) to finish out the costume, Lizzy wore a pair of red, knee-high, latex vinyl, high-heeled, platform-soled boots. Lizzy also wore a glove with long razor-like blades on the fingers. This prop was an exact replica of the one worn by Robert Englund in the Nightmare On Elm Street movies.

In my opinion, Lizzy put together a great rendition of the Freddy Krueger costume, the biggest difference being that if Robert Englund had worn Lizzy's costume in the movies, he would have looked so gay, he wouldn't have scared anybody! (I mean no offense to the gay community. I am not one of the homophobic, bible-thumping, hypocrites that helped pass proposition 8, and I think that it is a crying shame that it did pass!)

For this show, Lizzy performed to ''Great American Nightmare,'' by Rob Zombie, followed by, ''Disposable Teen,'' by Marilyn Manson, and ending with, ''What I've Done,'' by Lincoln Park.

Based on her second show, what I managed to see of the first show, and what I have seen in the past, I have to say that Lizzy committed great interaction with the trick or treaters seated at the tip rail as she always does.

The lovely Ms. Borden stands five feet six inches tall, weighs one hundred thirty-five pounds and measures a delicious-looking 34DD-26-34.

I have always known Lizzy to be an extremely smart and friendly lady and a great conversationalist. Lizzy truly enjoys meeting and chatting with her fans. (How could a person be the co-owner of an enterprise such as Extreme Associates and not be really intelligent? It takes brains to run a production company!)

Lizzy Borden, in my opinion, is a very good performer. And, her shows are always very different from anything that the vast majority of feature dancers do on stage. I must say that Lizzy's shows are always very entertaining. So, I do not want anybody to ever pass up an opportunity to go to a nearby club to see Lizzy's very special style of performing and to meet her in person. I feel safe in saying that Lizzy will catch their attention!

Lizzy can be seen at: LoveLizzyBorden.com

For the record, Lizzy Borden's roadie for this weekend, Rob Black, just happens to be Lizzy's husband and the other co-owner of Extreme Associates.

Victoria Valentina

Saturday, November 1st, I drove out to the Rialto Spearmint Rhino to spend some time with Victoria Valentina. Unfortunately, even though I had every intention of observing all three of Victoria's shows, I ran way late. I walked into the club just barely in time to see her finishing up her second show of the evening by tossing three or four posters, and a couple of 8X10s, a couple of magazines and one DVD out to the customers.

I did recognize her final song from the days when my oldest son and my daughter were still in their teens.

Since I wasn't certain of my recollection, I went to the DJ and asked him about the song. Sure enough, I had been right. It was, ''Here I go Again,'' by White Snake.

For her final show, Victoria wore a black hat with a hatband completely covered with red sequins. The brim of the hat was also trimmed with red sequins around all three hundred sixty degrees of it. She also wore a black, double breasted, suit jacket that had pinstripes made of small red sequins. Beneath the jacket, Victoria wore a black bra. The breast cups of the bra were completely covered with, what else, red sequins. Next, she wore a black thong. The waistband and the front panel of the thong was covered with small red sequins. On her right thigh, Victoria wore a garter that was covered with red sequins. From the garter hung a small black leather holster which contained a toy revolver. Victoria also wore a black garter belt. The top edge of the garter belt was trimmed with red sequins, and there were six vertical lines of small red sequins positioned three to each side. The garter belt held up a pair of mid-thigh length, black, fine fishnet hose. On her feet, Victoria wore a pair of black shoes with stiletto heels and platform soles of moderate height.

Once again, Victoria ended this show by tossing out three or four posters, two 8X10s, two magazines and one DVD.

Victoria performed this show to hip-hop and pop music. I haven't a clue as to what the titles or the artists might be.

As a general rule, Ms. Valentina performs good interaction with randomly selected tip rail patrons, and this evening was no exception to the rule.

Victoria stands five feet two inches tall, weighs one hundred fifteen pounds, and measures 36DD-25-36. Not only does this young beauty have a killer body, she has long, very thick, very dark, almost black hair. She is also very friendly, a great conversationalist, and she has a great memory for the people she meets.

I would like for everybody who gets a chance to go to a club to see Victoria perform and to meet her in person. I believe they will like what they see. And, if anybody is lucky enough to see and meet Victoria, be sure to tell her I said hello.

Victoria can be seen at: VictoriaValentinoXXX.com. She can also be found at: MySpace.com/XXXVictoriaValentino.

Victoria's choice of a roadie during this weekend was rather unique in that her roadie was none other than Andy Enomoto, the owner and publisher of Private Dancer Magazine. Andy performed his job as Victoria's roadie so well as the vast majority of roadies I've had any experience with over the years. Apparently, Andy is truly a man of many talents.

That's a wrap for another week. Let us all meet back here the next time to continue our discussion of hot, gorgeous, women! Until then, everybody stay safe, have a great week, and live life as if there were no tomorrow!

Bonsoir et au revoir,
Myles Shaffer