January 02, 2006 12:45am
Ask a Swinger & Swing in the New Year
by: Julie Wild
During the past year, I have received thousands of e mails and calls concerning relationships, swinging, hiring an escort, fantasies, divorce and sexual dysfunctions. The mailbag was truly a mixed bag, with almost 50% coming from women.
Most of the mail focused on improving ones sexual experiences. Most single men and women were looking for ways to achieve an active sex life. Most married couples were looking for ways to improve their relationship while balancing each others sexual boundaries.
I have outlined my 10 tips for a safe and sexy 2006. If you have a specific question, please feel free to e mail me at Julie@JulieWild.com. I personally answer all e mails. I offer phone sessions for clients coast to coast, so if you would like to spend 20 or 30 minutes talking to me, please visit my web site at JulieWild.com
Julie's 10 tips for a safe and sexy 2006.
1) Visiting a swing club for the first time: If you are considering entering the alternative lifestyle, chances are you have located a swing club in your area. All clubs welcome couples and single women, but only some welcome single men. If you are single, please check with the club for specific dates and times singles are welcome.
If the club has a web site, read it carefully. Most clubs have sites and detail their club policies. Once you choose a night to attend, make sure you set down strong boundaries that should not be crossed.
If you are single, make a commitment to visit the club with no agenda in mind. Mingle with the couples, act very nice and reserved. Be polite and avoid being pushy. If you are looking to meet a couple, make sure and look and speak to the husband. Most couples allow the man to approve the partner. Swing clubs are not a good place for a single guy to pick up a single girl. Most single men find couples to play with.
If you are a couple, discuss in great detail the boundaries that you two feel comfortable with. Discuss swinging over coffee, in the bedroom, before and after sex. Make sure both of you are comfortable with your decision. Many clients tell me they enjoy talking about swinging in the bedroom as much as swinging itself.
Once you have set your boundaries, chosen a club and picked a date to attend, you are ready to go. Once you arrive, be pleasant, respectful of the club. Members of swing clubs often take pride in the club and any negative remarks will be taken personally.
Enjoy the evening. My personal recommendation is to agree with your partner that on the first visit to a club, you will only play together.
2) Whenever you visit a swing club, always remember who you came with and never lose your focus. Remember that when the party is over, you will be leaving with the person you came with. Simply, keep your partner in your focus at all times. Don't forget you came as a couple, even if you play alone.
3) when visiting a swing club for the first time, chose your partners wisely. So many experienced swingers will say that their only regret is playing with a member or two who have turned out to be less than respectable. Get to know the players before you choose a partner to play with.
4) Limit your drinking while visiting the club. Most clubs are BYOB. I can't tell you how many times I have seen couples show up for the first time at a club and the husband tells the wife to have a few drinks to relax, only to get drunk and fall asleep.
My favorite story is this one time I took a young man with me to a local Atlanta swing club. I warned him to have a few drinks over dinner so he will be relaxed when we arrive. I guess he had one too many, and ended up sleeping in the car and missing the party.
5) if you attend a swing party or club, be careful giving out too much personal information. As they say in Vegas, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
6) it is always better to give out e mail addresses from Yahoo or Hotmail, avoid giving out an e mail address from your company. You never know who visits swing clubs. I have seen more than one couple run into friends, family and co-workers. Usually this does not cause a problem and can lead to some close friendships.
7) Swingers are looking for fun and friendship, not love and commitments. If you find a couple to play with, enjoy it for what it is worth, feel the sensations and explore your sexuality. Keep in mind, this is not love, you need to contain your emotions.
8) when playing with another person, try to use the saying, " it feels so good, or you are so beautiful" try not to say " I love you or I need you." This will only lead to future problems and hurt feelings.
9) Hiring an escort to attend a swing club. Many escorts that I know offer an evening package including dinner, an evening at a local swing club and more. This is an excellent way for a single man to attend a swing club. Most escorts who offer these packages know the clubs and the members.
If you are a couple looking to explore your sexuality, including a threesome, hiring an escort is often the best way to try. Many escorts offer a couples package, this will allow you the opportunity to explore your sexuality with a professional who knows what you are looking for.
10) if you decide to attend a swing club or party, make sure and find time to discuss your evening of fun the next day. I have seen many couples attend swing parties and club only to find one partner or the other had his or her feelings hurt. It is very difficult to find a compatible couple to play with.
I hope these 10 tips will help you enter the world of swinging with your eyes wide open. If you have any questions or comments about swinging, please feel free to contact me at Julie@JulieWild.com