June 15, 2005 06:00am
Ask a Swinger: Why Swing?
by: Julie Wild
Each week I receive hundreds of e mails from readers. The majority of the letters focus on how swinging will affect a relationship. I received a letter from a lady in her 50's asking why swing? Read my comments below.
My husband and I are in our 50's and married for 30+ years. Sex is routine and uneventful. We love each other very much and have never been with any other partners in our lives. We both discussed ways to improve our relationship including watching adult videos, adding a third person in the bedroom and even attending a swing club.
I read your article each week and trust your judgment. Julie, why swing?
Sam & Mary
Dear Sam & Mary,
Thank you for being a loyal reader of my column, Ask a Swinger. This is a very common question, why swing?
Swinging brings new excitement into a stable but boring relationship. Meeting new couples and individuals at a swing club is exciting. Swinging with your partner will provide a much deeper sexual satisfaction than seeing someone on the side. You relate to your steady partner in such a way that the added excitement will bring both of you additional pleasure.
The connection and body chemistry that you currently share with your spouse, can only add to the experience. You need to be open-minded and never loose your focus, which is to improve your current relationship, not find a new one. Your intentions should be on improving intimacy and sex with your spouse.
Most important, don't be jealous. At all times let your spouse know that you are there for both of you, not just one partner or the other. Jealously is the number one reason couples do not enjoy swinging.
If you visit a swing club, please let me know your experience.
Dear Coach Julie,
I need some coaching. I came home from lunch early today and found my wife in bed with another man. At first I went crazy. I have been a good husband for the past 5 years. We had our problems, but I felt we were working on the marriage.
She tried to compare her cheating with my desire to visit a swing club or enter the alternative lifestyle. Julie, it is not the same and she knows that. I have already called a lawyer, but she suggested we see a therapist. I don't know what to do. Please help.
I am sorry you encountered this experience. I am sure it is not something you wanted to witness. Before filing for divorce, stop and talk to a therapist or coach. Relationships are very fragile and need to be handled with care.
Swinging is not for couples with insecurities or problems. Swinging is for stable relationships. I do not think it is good idea to compare cheating to swinging.
My suggestion is to contact a marriage therapist or a relationship coach and focus on ways to heal your marriage. Stay away from pointing blame or events that lead up to the affair. I am sure if you suggested swinging, you can find it in your heart to heal the hurt from seeing her in bed with another man.
Save me from 20 years of a sexless marriage. I am 44 and my husband is 56. We have no romance or intimacy in our life. We are roommates. We are good friends and care greatly for each other, but our intimacy went out the door around the second year of marriage.
I suggested several options, but my husband said he read your web site and feels swinging is our best avenue. Julie, What do you suggest.
M & T
Dear M & T,
It sounds like you have a solid marriage and need to rekindle that spark or sizzle that brought you together. Swinging sounds like it might be your best choice.
Swinging allows couples to learn and develop sexually in a very safe and secure environment. If you approach swinging as a couple and focus on learning and experiencing together, you will find that you develop sexually very quickly.
Swinging is a social event and can advance your relationship to a higher level. I often tell couples to consider it a course on sexual arts. You will meet interesting people who share similar stories. Swinging is the answer for many couples facing boredom in the bedroom.
If you approach swinging slowly and carefully, it can bring something really special to your relationship. You will see sex and intimacy in a new light.
Let me know how it turns out.
I will be hosting another call in sex party on July 20th, for the Julie Show. If you are interested in participating, please e mail me for an invitation.
If you have a question for Julie, please e mail me at Julie@JulieWild.com. If you would like to find out more on Julie's Phone Sex Coaching, please visit JulieWild.com or call me at 404-806-7386 for more information.