January 13, 2005 03:00am
Joe Diamond Celibates at AVN
Source: Letters to the Editor
by: Joe Diamond
Joe Diamond Celibates at AVN (Despite My Best Efforts) Someone get this guy laid already! In an offbeat look at AVN Expo for his upcoming "Adventures of an Average Joe" column in Oui Magazine, leading adult journalist Joe Diamond laments his repeated failed attempts to secure some snatch in Vegas.
From platonic encounters with a Mai Tai-guzzling porn whore in the back of a Ford, to an orgy where he's the only guy left standing on the sidelines, Diamond (Aka Joe Zeigfeld) is clueless when it comes to procuring pussy.
He hooks up with a hot up-and-cummer, Angel Fallen, who tells him she got into the business because she's fed up with "relationship sex" and wants to "get better at casual sex." does he offer to help Angel refine her casual-sex skills? Does he ask her to show him what she's learned so far? Not our born-again virgin. He just wastes a few hours with Angel in the Venetian casino, treating her to drinks and slots before letting her return to her room without so much as a whimper. (Diamond never questions her claim that she needs some shut-eye before working the convention floor the next morning.)
It's like the old joke: What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut fucks everybody. A bitch fucks everyone but you.
Vegas isn't a total loss, though. Luscious Brooke Haven gives Diamond a lesson in getting chicks off with a pocket rocket. It's part of a casting video for his pal, Scottish pornmeister Gazzman, last year's AVN winner for Best Foreign Director. Diamond also gets to finger-fuck Ms. Haven. "You have no idea how fuckin' jealous I am of my fingers," he tells Brooke.