December 16, 2004 08:00am
From the Trenches: The Bunny Ranch
by: Dave Cummings
I define "Heaven" as Dennis Hof's Bunny Ranch -- see BunnyRanch.com -- going to a brothel is one thing, but going to the world-famous Moonlite BunnyRanch brothel is my idea of Heaven! I was recently a guest there for three days and nights, surrounded by beautiful "angels" and total class; basically, owner and all-around Gentleman, Dennis Hof gave me an all expense vacation like no other on Earth!
I flew into the Reno Airport where I was met by a BunnyRanch limo with the beautiful Alexis Fire riding shotgun for the 30-minute drive to Nevada's capital, Carson City, the home of the brothel. Upon arrival, we dropped off my suitcase at one of the many 3-bedroom homes on the grounds of the BunnyRanch, and headed inside the main brothel building where totally legal prostitution takes place. HBO was on site filming additional episodes for their series "Cathouse" featuring the BunnyRanch, and I did the "cameo" thing for a number of their shoots over the following two days. The main brothel facility is huge and classy, simultaneously home/brothel-like, and staffed by genuinely helpful and attentive folks. The girls of the BunnyRanch were as beautiful as Heaven's angels, as friendly as close friends, and exceptionally personable and fun. The bar was stocked to the hilt and available continuously, and the kitchen had all kinds of home-like meals and snacks available for us 24 hours a day (something my buddy Ron Jeremy might think was Heaven-like, that's for sure!). Besides the free bar and kitchen, Dennis Hof also provided us upscale lodging with full maid service complete with stocked refrigerators and food cupboards. We also had on-site access to gymnasium facilities, a hot tub, limos, and everything else needed for a dream vacation. Of course, I was happy to see that my bathroom had a hair dryer in it, something much needed for my three remaining pieces of hair!!
After HBO wrapped up their shoot, I went back to the house I shared with Alexis and her man, and unpacked and moved into my room, showered, and set up lights for Alexis and I to shoot a blowjob scene for my "Knee Pad Nymphos" series-Alexis and I have long wanted to shoot a sex scene together, so we were a little giddy about finally being able to do it! A nationally known contortionist and feature gentlemen's club dancer, her poses for the box-cover photos were amazing and excitingly sexy. The video shoot went well, and we subsequently walked the 30-40 steps back to the main building to rejoin folks hanging out in the bar and the parlor area. What a happy place the BunnyRanch "Heaven" is! Throughout the remainder of the evening, just like the entire stay, incoming customers rang the door bell and the girls lined up for the Madam to introduce them to the client-customer, and provide them with the "menu" of brothel services available from the girls; from there, customers could select a girl of their choice, or wait a bit and move around the bar and parlor without any pressure for them to do "It". The BunnyRanch caters not only to men, but also to lots of women and couples.
The girls are selected from hundreds of applicants every month, they get weekly Doctor check-ups, and they are treated like queens in Heaven. Dennis Hof is an amazing nice-guy who innately knows how to make everyone feel genuinely special, and he's a super CEO and human being-and, he's initiated and donated opportunities for returning war zone troops to afford visits to Heaven/the BunnyRanch .
The morning following my arrival, I hit the dining room for breakfast before heading outdoors for some jogging. It was interesting to see the girls bringing overnight customers into the dining area, making them feel special and like "insiders". I bet they have a lot of repeat clients. HBO was again filming, including a "toy"/novelties party presented by Adult Film Star Jacklyn Lick; and, an evening party for the girls having birthdays during the month, a wildish party attended by everyone at the "Ranch" as well as a couple of celebrities (in respect for their privacy, I won't mention their names, but I bet you'd know them). What sexy fun the party was, complete with very sensuous dancing between and among the girls and guests! Tabitha Stevens, scheduled to participate in an HBO-filmed demonstration the next day on how to give great blowjobs, also joined us for the birthday party. The evening was delightful and a happy time for everyone. Later, Tabitha moved into the remaining bedroom of the house; it was visually exciting to be living in a house where Tabitha and Alexis casually walked around in various stages of dress and un-dress as they prepared for bed-the next day was also visual enjoyment as they wandered around the house.
The final full day of my stay in Heaven consisted of a variety of fun things, including the HBO filming of an end-to-bachelorhood sexually suggestive wild party for a young couple who brought a huge entourage of fun-loving family and Texas friends to the party. Yes, celebrities also attended, customers were still serviced, and some of the BunnyRanch "angels" along with Dennis and us porn folks attended the follow-on rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant in Reno. Upon return later in the evening to the BunnyRanch/"Heaven", another party "erupted" for the wedding folks! The entire three days seemed like a constant glamorous party. That night at "our" house on the Ranch, we sat around visiting and chatting like extended family members, then headed off to bed; Tabitha, a sweet young lady who had an early morning limo ride to the airport for her Howard Stern Show appearance the next day, woke me up before running out the door and heading to the airport-being such a nice and thoughtful person, she had put a pot of coffee on for us to awaken to. Alexis helped me pack up, I headed to the dining room for one more great meal, and then I toured BunnyRanch Ii located 4-5 minutes down the road; like the main facility, it also was like an oasis and vacation wonderland. Now it was time for me to take the limo back to the airport. Unfortunately, pre-set scheduling kept me from staying longer and attending the afternoon marriage of the two All-American folks getting married at the BunnyRanch, but I bet it was a nice ceremony! Thanks Dennis Hof for my vacation to "Heaven" (i.e.,the BunnyRanch)!
A couple of days later, as I was telling folks at the filming of Wildlife Productions of "Screw My Wife, Please, Vol 45" about my BunnyRanch vacation, I couldn't help but smile about all the fantastic experiences I've had while part of the Adult Industry. I wish I could somehow wave a magic wand and have everyone else also experience it. It's Heaven!
Lately, here in San Diego, I've visited with some Marines undergoing treatment for wounds and injuries received in Iraq. These youngsters are extremely self-motivated to quickly get well and re-join their units. They tell me that long-distance and overseas Telephone Calling Cards mean a great deal to them and their families. I did some Internet research and came across OperationUplink.org where the VFW obtains contributions for phone card purchases for military folks; I sent in a small donation, and I hope others might do likewise. Meanwhile, no matter how you feel about the war in Iraq, let's all keep our military folks and their families in our hearts and prayers.