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Porn for GEEKS! Meet me & my friends!

Eva Angelina at Twistys

September 09, 2004 12:52am
Shay's Weekly Wash
Source: Adult Industry News
by: Shay Boogie

Aren't those Cum-Kleen wipes the best invention ever? I went through years of "cleaning up" using paper towels, Kleenex, boxers, towels, etc. The first time I used one of those mango Cum-Kleen wipes was like heaven. Not only did it remove the usual stickiness that accompanies a pop-shot but it made my dick smell like a tropical fruit juice. What's up with the largest box containing only 25 wipes, though? Shit, I can go through that in a week! Hook us up with at least a 64-count for those of us who like to get their rocks off on a daily basis!

My new favorite dick-sucker has got to be Simone. This light-skinned hottie obviously has no gag reflex and looks like she could stick a 9 iron down her throat. Makes me want to go down to the driving range and practice my swing right now. You have to check out what she does to Byron Long in Latin Throat Bangers. The way she handles his joint with her hands, mouth, tongue, and teeth... damn! How Byron could last as long as he did is beyond me. Some studio is going to be kicking themselves in the head for not signing her to an exclusive contract. Actually, fuck that. Simone... if you're reading this, get at me baby!

There's something about Serena Williams that makes me want to fuck her. She's built like a brick-house stallion... bagnin' ass and a nice rack. I know some people will think I'm crazy for wanting to do her but I think she's real cute. She would abuse the fuck out of me in bed, though. God-forbid she wrapped those thighs around me... I'd be a goner for sure. And now since she was eliminated from the U.S. Open earlier this week, she definitely has time on her hands and probably needs someone to console her about her loss. I think me and my "racket" are just the people to help her out in her time of need.

How come I started laughing out loud when Mercedes Ashley grabbed one of her co-stars dicks and told him to stop flicking it on her cheek as she was blowing another guy in some gonzo flick? It looked like she squeezed his shit hard, too. Funny to watch but not anything I would like to experience first-hand.

Last week one of the owners of the company where I work at demanded that I take down my Game Girl posters because he said it wasn't the image that the company was trying to project. The posters were of various clothed (albeit scantily clothed) women who have starred in the Hip-Hop Honey's video series put out by Game. This comes from a guy who decided to buy a DVD for our company to distribute that turned out to be a porn. His excuse was, "I didn't know when I bought it that it was going to be a porn..." Yeah, I guess he couldn't tell from the name of the DVD, Sexy Sluts, that it was a porn. Anyone could make that mistake. Yeah, right! Hypocrite!

A few years ago we had a stripper party at my workplace one Friday night. One of the girls turned out to be a straight hoe. Five-dollar blow-jobs were being offered by this lady in the bathroom. Unfortunately for my friend, he took the girl up on her offer. He was so drunk that he ended up passing out while she was blowing him. He woke up to find his pants off and his wallet gone. Never trust a girl who says she has no problem giving head to strangers but finds it degrading to take her top off and dance for a bunch of guys.

Candice Jackson is definitely one of my favorite new porn stars but her voice just annoys the fuck out of me! Give Candice a splash of Nikita Denise's husky voice and I'll be good to go!

Does Gonzo get any better than Red Light District?

Why did I miss a meet-and-greet with Alexis Amore when she came to the local adult video store? For monumental moments like those they've got to be doing commercials and full-page ads in the newspaper to let a guy know what's up! Now I'm going to have to wait for the AVN's to get an up-close and personal view of her "weapons of mass destruction".

When I was in college in my dorm room one day, my roommate and I got a call from his cousin. He said that we should come over to his dorm because there was something exciting going on. So we troop over to his dorm to find a bunch of guys lined up outside his door. We ask what's going on and he explains that there's a girl in his room sucking as many dicks as she can. Guys are going in, getting their shit off, walking out, and then the next guy would go in. I actually knew who the girl was and decided not to partake in the festivities. So I stood outside that door for the next hour and watched as at least 20 guys went in and out of that room. Rumor had it that the girl just loved sucking cock and wanted to set a new "campus" record. The funny thing is, one of my best friends, who I didn't think knew what had happened, made her his girlfriend the next semester. My friends and I decided we had to tell him about "L-Train" and what she did. We didn't want our boy to be laughed at behind his back by everyone. When we told him, he shrugged it off, smiled, and said "You didn't think I knew that? Who do you think was the guy that set up that whole thing last semester...?" Are you serious? Man, I miss college!

Shay Boogie

HardArt Films

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