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August 16, 2004 05:00am
Ask a Swinger - Be Careful What you Wish for
Source: JulieWild.com
by: Julie Wild

Dear Julie,

I have always dreamed of taking my wife to a swing club. We have been married for 10 years and have a very routine sex life. After months of begging and wishing, she agreed. My wife is very attractive and loves to dance. We visited a local club and things really heated up fast. We found ourselves surrounded by several couples.

As the evening progressed, another couple invited us to a private room. The thought of being with another man's wife, was a huge turn on for me. I thought I would feel the same about watching my wife with another man.

The minute I saw my wife enjoying the pleasures of another man, I totally lost my erection and could not perform. This has never happened to me before. Needless to say, the evening was a big let down for me.

Now, my wife wants to go back to the club and I seemed to have lost the thrill of swinging. Where to I go from here?

Casey S. Raleigh NC.

Dear Casey,

I think you owe your wife a big thank you for agreeing to visit a swing club. I am sure it took a lot of courage. What you seemed to have experienced is not uncommon at all.

My first suggestion for couples, is to always enter the swinging lifestyle with well defined and agreed upon boundaries. Swinging in the same room together, is a great policy for new couples in the lifestyle.

When a man or woman sees their spouse or significant other for the first time with another partner, it can be shocking, painful or leave you with mixed emotions.

For men, it is common not to be able to perform in front of other people the first time you visit a swing club or party. My suggestion is never make a lifestyle decision based on one evening. If your wife went and did not enjoy her night at the club and asked you never to return, I am sure you would tell her to be more open and give it another try.

Make sure you understand that swinging is about sharing, not losing something or using something up, it is about building a stronger relationship based on the intimacy you share with friends in the lifestyle.

Give it another try and let me know how it turns out.


Dear Julie,

I have a secret fantasy and have no one to share it with. I love to wear ladies undergarments under my clothing. When I first got married, I use to wear my wife's panties under my suit to work. The smooth satin feeling was such a turn on, I could not concentrate on my work.

I have never told my wife that I have worn her panties. My fantasy is to find a male lover and show up dressed in a man's suit with my lace panties and bra on underneath. Then as the suit comes off, I would be transformed into a cross dresser with the desire to be treated like a lady.

Do you think this is normal and do you think I should pursue my fantasy?

John St. Louis MO.

Dear John,

Every man and woman has their own fantasy. I think some fantasies are better kept in your mind, while it is safe to act on others. I think your fantasy to dress up in ladies lingerie is very common, to be with a man while dressed in satin and lace is again a common fantasy. My only concern is that you would be doing this without your wife's knowledge and that could lead to trouble.

My suggestion is to try to find a way to discuss this fantasy with your wife. Tell her that you love her very much, but really enjoy the feeling of women's undergarments. I know this will be hard to discuss with your wife, but maybe you would enjoy her helping you shop for your new panties. Also, why not consider trying a bisexual swing club or gay men's club. There are several clubs around that promote bisexual nights.

Please remember, this might be your fantasy today and tomorrow you might have a different fantasy, so enjoy each day and live life to its fullest.


Dear Julie,

I am a single black male and want to participate in the swinging lifestyle, my ultimate goal is to find white couples who prefer a black man for a threesome. I tried several swing clubs and ads, with little success. Any help would be appreciated.

Lloyd J. Atlanta GA.

Dear Lloyd,

This is a question I receive often. The best suggestion I have is to visit a local swing club for the first time with no expectations. Just try to meet the people and be very friendly but not too aggressive. Couples will start to feel comfortable with you and soon you will be talking and dancing with their wives.

Maybe on the second or third visit, you will be invited to join a couple in a private room. Remember not to forget the husband during your encounter. This is probably the most important rule. The husbands need to feel important and part of the fun.

Also, always be sure to thank the couple for allowing you to participate. Remember, they are sharing with you their most trusted bond, so don't allow yourself to feel like you are doing them a favor, without the couples, the swing clubs would not be in business.


Dear Julie,

I am interested in having phone sex for the first time. I want to call a phone sex service and hopefully speak to a mature woman who will let me call her mommy. Will they allow this? Will I be able to find someone willing to role play this for me ? What are the chances I will be able to call back and reach the same lady the next time I call?

Matthew F. Galveston TX.

Dear Mathew,

Phone sex services are a great opportunity to role play your fantasies. You might encounter a problem reaching the same lady each time with large or international services. They have hundreds of ladies using the same ad and name. I offer phone sex and you will always be calling me, so check out my site for more information.

If you would like to learn more about Julie's Phone Sex Coaching, please visit JulieWild.com or call 404-806-7386. If you have a question for Julie, please e mail Julie@JulieWild.com.

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