March 30, 2003 11:45pm
Ask Antonia Anything - Ides of March Special Edition
Source: Adult Industry News
Welcome once again my hot'n'horny readers! It is I, the embedded journalist of Porn and I am sending out a very sexxxy salute to our brave men and women who serve in the military. I know that many of you in the armed services read my column and even send me the occasional question. Our thoughts are with you during these difficult times.
Well the Ides of March have come and gone but not those annoying letters from Freaky Frankie of the Symphony. You all may recall from my previous column that Freaky Frankie is some sorry-ass guy who claims to have a two-inch boner for the lovely Jenna Jameson. It seems that Frankie's taste in women has gone from the sublime to the ridiculous, case in point his most recent email:
Freakyfranky@[redacted] sends the following,
It's Freaky Frankie again, the phantom of the symphony. Thank you for answering my question about Jenna. Do you think she would ever pay attention to an underachieving loser like me? Perhaps Jenna won't but there is a certain lady I would like to ask you about. Her name is Laurel and she is a co-worker who can't seem to get enough of my two inch Johnson. Now this Lady is ugly as sin but she can top off my mushroom in a New York minute [My apologies to the Big Apple! -Antonia.] But there is a problem: Laurel wears false teeth and I don't know how to ask her to remove them while she gives me a Lewinsky. How can I ask her to do this? She is already so ugly that I just close my eyes and think of Jenna.
Thanks for your help.
Whew! Jeez Louise, Freaky Frankie! What an unkind thing to say about the woman brave enough to get close to the likes of you, no matter how ugly she may be. I think you should give her a set of kneepads for her efforts. You must've had a miserable relationship with your mother. My suggestion is that you get a life and stop plaguing me with your insipid emails. Or else I will have to ask one of our brave soldiers to strap your sorry ass on to the nose cone of a Daisy Cutter missile and launch your pathetic person in the direction of Uncle Saddam's bunker!
But enough blustering! In the hopes of achieving world peace I just want to say that we at Adult Industry News are an international coalition of the hot and the horny. To prove my point, my first letter comes from a reader from the very sexy country of Thailand.
Anu NgaAceng at [redacted]@yahoo.com wrote the following....
"Hi, I've seen Chasey Lain, Nikki Dial, Celeste, etc. But, when I Saw Sabrina Johnson, wow, my blood was rushing. Her smile, her excitement of sex, everything I imagined from a hot chick, this chick has a lot that she can give. Needless to say, I want to contact her. I've searched for her official site but I couldn't find it. Could you send me any information how to contact her? Please, I really appreciate your help."
Hey Anu, a big Namaste to you too. There are several ways to reach Sabrina: You may visit her site at ToyBoxxx.com or you can read our up close and personal interview conducted by our Editor (the stud-muffin Mr. Steve Nelson) at AINews.com/InnerView/Sabrina_Johnson1.phtml [linked in the box to the right]
I love repeat business! The next email is from Cheyenne who is a regular reader.
From: Cheyenne [redacted]@yahoo.com>
"I know you probably cannot release this info, on a rough
estimate....how much does Jenna Jameson make a year? (And I know she isn't ranked on "Forbes" Power List!)"
Hi Cheyenne nice to hear from you again. At least you are not as obnoxious as our human shield wannabee Freaky Frankie. No, Jenna is not on the Forbes power list. But would you really want her to be? Then she would be sharing copy with the likes of Donald Trump and the Sultan of Brunei. Frankly I would rather be on the same page as Tony Soprano but that is another story. Speaking of mob bosses, a few years ago Forbes published a special issue featuring a Mafia "Power List". Perhaps they should consider publishing an Adult Industry "Power List". I know Jenna will top THAT list.
And now it is time to answer another "whatever happened to" question. This fine fellow would like to know whatever happened to the Queen of the D.P., Johnnie Black.
Shawn [redacted]@aol.com wrote the following....
"What ever happened to the female star "Johnni Black"? Did she retire or quit the industry? I can't seem to find out anywhere. If you know anything about what became of her please write back and let me know. Thanks."
Hey there Shawn, according to my sources Ms. Black is alive and well and her Videos are available at Zoomone.inadult.com
I personally endorse "KSEX" if you would like to see Ms. Black and Jenna really go at it. Enjoy!
Finally there is this: As you all may know I am barraged ad nauseum by readers (mostly men) who want to break into the Industry. This issue was addressed in my special column "So you wanna be a Porn Star?-Casting Couch Confidential". However this next reader posed the question in such an original fashion that it begged to be published.
Michael at [redacted]@yahoo.com wrote the following....
"Just curious, but how do you become an adult film star? Do you submit an application or what?"
Ooh Daddy! An application did he say? I don't think so. But If any of you out there would like to email me a prototype of what this "application" should say, you are more than welcome to do so.
That's all for now my libidinous lovelies, I'm signing off. Let's all once again send a very sexxxy salute to our brave men and women in uniform and hope that they return quickly and safely home!