February 22, 2011 09:20am
Monster Expands to Porn
Source: Monster Advertising
by: Company Press Release
(LONDON, UK) -- In what may be a sign of economic desperation or investment brilliance, mainstream company Monster Advertising is expanding into the world of online adult entertainment.
"We’ve watched a lot of people make a lot of money in a lot of markets and even with the economy going mammaries skyward, people are fascinated by sex," Monster insists. "Weirdly enough, the monkeys at the lab noticed that while the mainstream was willing to steal grandma’s retirement fund, it was reluctant to spread the word about what a natural beauty Sasha Grey is. It didn’t make any sense, so we seized the opportunity. This is still America, right? We can do that."
Not only can Monster do what it proposes — it has, by introducing S6X.it, the first free and widely available URL shortener especially for people wanting to share links of, shall we say, a sensitive-but-legal nature.
"The lab monkeys insist that the solution to most, if not all, of the world’s human-made problems is this free URL shortener. It’s the only way our alien masters will be able to effectively spread the word about their er… I mean, we are confident that this provides a solution, not only to those wishing to shorten URL strings, but also be able to immediately identify which links are best left unclicked at work or during religious services," an unnamed Monster representative explained… mostly off-the-record.
According to documents allegedly smuggled from Monster Advertising headquarters, the easily identifiable URL shortener was specifically developed for the short-attention span of the average flesh-obsessed internet user… which is pretty much everyone. Given that one of the top search terms on most people’s minds is sex, the company is confident that S6X.it will not only be easy-to-remember but also free and easy-to-use URL shortener.
Ultimately, the online market will decide whether Monster’s idea of forwarding one or multiple short links to the latest Cosmo sex tip article, WebMD vasectomy pictorial, or saucy tentacle porn trailer is sheer brilliance — or an obvious sign of a need for intervention.
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