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February 12, 2010 02:37pm
Feb 2010 From the Trenches
Source: DaveCummings.com
by: Dave CummingsóPorn Star/Producer/Director

In this monthly column, I need to write something about which I have no expertise whatsoever, just opinions. Itís a subject that affects lots of folks of all ages in many parts of the world, be they from Europe, Australia, New York, Texas, California, or elsewhere. This issue is something that men and women who donít presently have a spouse or significant other should probably become informed about, and those couples already in a marital or a significant relationship might want to think about and discuss with each other as they read my novice thoughts, experiences, opinions, and recommendations.

Are you ready? Hereís my subject Ė why do couples cheat, or think/fantasize about cheating on each other, especially sexually? Now, of course, some folks get involved with others based upon workplace temptations, physical looks and/or personality, celebrity, their need for someone to fill a perceived void in their lives (like wanting someone to lovingly ''listen to them''?), their need for financial security, their need to still feel ''wanted'' like they were when they were younger, and on and on and on!

In a nut shell, maybe people cheat on each other because they are allergic to wedding cake; or, the two-way courting phase has been replaced by the need for one or both of them to spend some of that time on their career or raising a family, or by the lack of time in todayís hurry-up and hectic world; or, one of the hundreds of other reasons, many of which involve sex.

What happened to the romance? Why canít they just have some relaxing and closeness time together? How come they canít find the privacy or opportunity now that they are parents? Whatís the real impact of a passing or permanent illness or injury upon their love life? Why did they always want to have sex pre-marriage, but now canít seem to find/make time for it, or each otherís needs? Whatís the deal with their lovemaking sex during their courting days now morphing into a physical or robotic quickie sex act, instead of a caring and loving communication and togetherness? The questions are endless, and each spouse and marriage/relationship might have different questions and perceptions of whatís happened, and why, and what can be done about it. Is the grass really greener on the other side (cheating), or will many of the other seemingly heavenly and close couples also inevitably end up just like some of the others down the road?

In my opinion, marital improvements like enhanced communications and a return to ''making time'' for each other and their marriage can take many directions towards a happier life, but sometimes it just doesnít work out and ''cheating'' happens. In future columns, I might opine about discussion groups, swinging, religion, and other aspects that might be factors towards addressing some of the issues, but right now, let me address the physical aspect of having sex as I see it from a novice viewpoint.

Ok, without further delay, let me say that I see a physical reason as just one of many for decreased sex in a marriage or long term relationship. Letís face it, as we age some physical and attitudinal change happens, be it wrinkles, weight gain, hygiene, becoming a nag, etc. Sometimes men get a big belly, lose their hair, or shortcut their appearance. Some wives get stretch marks from child birth, or sometimes donít put pre-wedding cake effort into their appearance or communicating their desires for sex with their husband. And, sometimes, one or both just donít want to ''bother''. Through communicating, some of this can improve.

Dieting for one or both might be self-prescribed, and can be turned into a fun team effort. Getting to a gym (for exercise, not to check out the opposite sex there) to lose weight and tone-up would make one more desirable, and probably healthier. Maybe some treadmill time, or outdoor jogging or walking will help. Perhaps, setting up some weights and exercise equipment in the home would be more convenient, and it could save on babysitter fees. Whatever needs to be done might benefit the marriage more if it was done together ---thus, hitting the gym-in-the-home after the kids are asleep might end up with the couple showering together afterwards, and washing each otherís back (or genitals?) which just might lead into sex when they later crawl into bed Together!

Wives on their monthly period might be lovingly excited by a sexy massage; at other times, some sensuous touching/holding/caressing or oral/69 play might lead to loving sex; there could be lots of fun, and ''action'' if a couple together find ways to make sex exciting and loving again. Be caring, even if itís in a passing flirty glance or light touch as youíre walking by each other in the kitchen. Ever come home together from someplace and after shutting the garage door you lean over and kiss, hug, or neck in the front seat? Try it!

I canít end this ''cheating-prevention'' opinion piece without first being candid about personal hygiene. Guys planning on trying to seduce their woman into sex/lovemaking need to use mouthwash, shave closely (even against the grain, just in case you get to perform cunnilingus on/for your woman), and shower super-thoroughly with emphasis on the crotch area, insure your fingernails and toenails are trimmed, and if you like her to have a shaved vaginal area then you should yourself be neatly trimmed or shaved. Some guys apparently need to realize that itís not just the female who has to be clean and ''ready'', but also themselves. Have sex, maybe even make love; then cuddle up together before you ease into your individual sleeping process. Bottom line, Love each other and make an effort to show it. Quickies are ok, but adding the element of lovemaking could be fabulous!

Like I said, opinion is all I have to offer. I hope something herein was useful, or at least sparked your curiosity to try it. Feel free to email me your comments to dave@davecummings.com.

Be caring, supportive, and loving towards your mate!

Dave Cummings,

Pornography feminists unshackle their desires and celebrate their sexuality in the patriarchal world

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