Quick Index
 Adult Industry News
Search AINews Database
Type Keyword or Phrase Here
Pornography feminists unshackle their desires and celebrate their sexuality in the patriarchal world EXPO 2015, August 23-26, New Orleans
   
 

Front Page
Film News
Media News
Business News
Clubs & Appearances
Law & Politics
Internet & Mobile News
Lifestyles Arts Health Charity
Letters to the Editor
Columns
Movie Spotlight Reviews
Interviews
Pornstar Pages
AINews Staff
Ad Rates
PR 101: Press Release Service

Caliente Swinger Vacations!

Join Tera Patrick

November 14, 2000 05:02pm
How to Be Candidly Kinky
Source: Myprimetime.com
by: Anneli Rufus

So you want to be spanked. Or yelled at. Or seared with hot wax. Or bound and gagged and flogged and not because you've been bad but because you want to feel good. Really good.

It's not the sort of yen you can talk about in mixed company. Though ours is a highly sexualized society, the sex that saturates our TV screens and billboards tends to be vanilla: straight, naked, no whips or chains. And it puts that 10 percent of the population that calls itself kinky way out on the cultural margins.

Kinkiness isn't about orientation or whom you do it with but how you do it, says Janet Hardy. She was working at an advertising firm until coworkers, eavesdropping on her personal calls, discovered she was a dominatrix. Fired, she founded Greenery Press in San Francisco and started publishing books like The Bullwhip Book, SM 101 and The Mistress Manual. Some, like The Compleat Spanker, she wrote herself.

Flogging, which according to the Greenery catalog promises "sensations ranging from gentle massage to tearing agony," is just plain fun for some. And fantasizing about schoolgirls or slaves, Greenery's authors insist, doesn't make you a racist or a pedophile.

Kinkiness "has a lot of bad baggage attached," Hardy says. "In people's minds it gets all mixed up with torture and murder. They don't know about the very real lovingness and consensuality that's part of it."

So how, in a world that jumps to conclusions, can you get what you want? Renting videos or buying accessories discreetly is easy. But handcuffing yourself and spanking your own bottom is not. Luckily, plenty of organizations are out there full of like-minded people.

But what if shame has made you hide your kink so totally that even your own partner doesn't know? How do you ask, after all this time together, to hit someone or put on her underpants?

"It's terrible to feel unseen and it's terrible to not feel satisfied. Talk about being in a closet," says Hardy.

In their new book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, authors Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt open the door to what they call "your kinky person's world." Joyously embracing the word "pervert," they write from firsthand experience about bondage, breast-milk fetishes, "painplay" and more for parents, friends and partners in language so direct it's comforting.

The first step "in dealing with this amazing news" that your partner wants a whip or nipple clips, the authors say, is to take a deep breath and not rush to judgment. After all, this is the person you love. After the shock wears off, you'll need to decide whether or not you can or will join in.

Hardy relishes letters such as the one she received from a shy reader who'd never had the nerve to tell his wife he longed to be submissive. After buying Hardy's book, The Sexually Dominant Woman: a Handbook for Beginners, he placed it on the coffee table one day while his wife was out. For two days the book lay there apparently untouched, and no one mentioned it. Then one morning he woke up tied to the bed.

Prime Nine Kink Glossary

In When Someone You Love Is Kinky, authors Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt offer their own well-considered definitions for terms that might have outsiders and neophytes baffled. Here's a sampling:

1. Age Play: Play in which one or more people act the role of someone younger or older than they really are.

2. Bestiality: Some people enjoy sexual interaction with animals. Informed consent is a tricky issue here.

3. Bondage and Discipline: Many people use this as a term for "softer," less intense S&M. It usually includes some form of tying someone up, and may include milder pain activities such as light spanking or clamps.

4. Cybersex: When two people who may be thousands of miles apart use their computers and modems to enact a "scene." These days it is many people's first exploration of kink.

5.Drag: Halloween for grownups. The term has been expanded to any kind of kinky dress-up - pirate drag, cowboy drag, baby drag and so on.

6. Ownership: A consensual agreement in which a Master or Mistress has the right to control many or most aspects of the life of a Slave. The parameters of many owner/slave relationships are defined by a written or spoken ownership contract.

7. Pain: For people who enjoy it, pain in the context of a loving and consensual interaction can be extremely erotic. Nobody knows whether people who like pain are neurologically different than other folks or whether they've just learned to process sensation differently.

8. Verbal Abuse: Play in which one partner yells at another or calls him nasty names e.g., "Get down on your worthless knees, you slut."

9. Watersports: There are two meanings for this word. One is play involving urine most often one partner urinating on another. The other is play involving enemas.

Pornography feminists unshackle their desires and celebrate their sexuality in the patriarchal world


Related Sites - WARNING! Graphic Content

RavenBay02.3gp

See BiBi Jones at Digital Playground

Top Stories

Caribbean Playground Party

Lesbian Training Day 4

Vice is Nice Event

Rock’N’SeXXXy UnCensored Thursday

Casting Call

5X Raven Bay

Desiree Deluca on TV

MWA: 07/12/15

ABK Beta Users Free

Casey Calvert's IR Gangbang

After Hours on CyberstationUSA

D Wise Fights for Life

Girlfriends Celebrates Caitlyn Jenner

The V Agency Joins LATATA

Amateur Allure New Lines

ED Awards Host Thea Vidale

Freedom Acres Anniversary Party

Throwback Expo Registration Rates!

Tanya Tate at Comic Con

Bridget the Midget at Vivid Houston

Amia Miley Brazzers Contract

Epoch Club Special Event

Shade X from Smash

BBW Con 2015

UKAP Awards Site Live

Nikki Phoenix Radio Update

Ideal Image Supperclub Party

MWA: 06/12/15

XBIZ 2016 Announced

The Interview XXX

Starfall to Exxxotica

Mercy West Available

Library Girl at Exxxotica

Karmen Karma Top Shelf

MWA: 06/08/15

More
Stories From

Lifestyles Arts Health Charity

Vice is Nice Event

D Wise Fights for Life

Freedom Acres Anniversary Party

Girlfriends Celebrates Caitlyn Jenner

Welcome 2015!

Actress as an Artist

Merry XXXmas, Happy Xanukkah

Pushed Into the Corner

Bright Lights, Lonely Nights

Halloween Art Show

Sex Workshop Hustler San Diego

Fake Test Results

CET Free Panel Month

TTS Welcomes Bobi & Jen

Cutting Edge Changes Staff

Next Day Test in LV

Condomless Sex

Fetish Con Dates

Gloria Leonard Memorial

Valentine's Tips

Kinky Valentine Cards

Dammit He's Dead

Death at Bunny Ranch

Sara Jay not Dead

Glory Stories Batts Fundraiser

Daisy Marie hosts Philippines Relief

Fairvilla Movember Bash

Nadia Night Back From Rehab

Altar dedicated to Guccione

Alex Gonz Hep C Statement

CSC Preserves AIDS Poster

Bible Study with Kurt Lockwood

CineKink Screens at BedFEST

Shibari Speaks at Woodhull

Baci Launches Halloween Contest

ASACP to London XBIZ EU

Wicked Heads AIDS Walk

Yahshua Seeks Help

Alesia Pleasure at Bare Bowling

LATATA Hep C Statement

Bare Bowling is Back

LATATA Advises Performers

drake Leads AIDS Walk

CineKink in Oakland

CineKink Kicks Off

Vice is Nice Charity Event

CineKink 2013 Tour Dates

CatalystCon West Pre-Con Events

Wrestle Erotica Celebrity Fundraiser

Gamelink to Senator Robert Ford

CatalystCon Speakers, Sponsors

     
Copyright © 1998 - 2015 Adult Industry News (AINews.com)
All materials constituting text, articles, press releases, stories, columns, photographs, graphics, and code on the AINews.com domain are protected by copyright, and either owned by Adult Industry News (AINews.com), or reproduced with permission from other copyright owners. It may be downloaded and printed for personal reference, but not otherwise copied, altered in any way, or transmitted to others, without the written permission of Adult Industry News (AINews.com).