April 06, 2006 12:07am
Ask a Swinger: Fantasies & Dreams, What They Tell
by: Julie Wild
Welcome to Ask a Swinger. Each week I answer reader's questions. If you would like to ask me a question on relationships, intimacy, sex, the alternative lifestyle or the adult entertainment business, please e mail me at Julie@JulieWild.com
This weeks mailbag was mixed with questions about dreams, fantasies and relationships. Here is a sampling of this weeks questions:
I have a reoccurring fantasy where I am having sex with my sister-in-law. At first it was fun and exciting thinking about being with her, but now I find myself going out of my way to be around her. I masturbate daily thinking about her. Funny thing is, she is not nearly as attractive as my wife.
Her husband does not pay any attention to her and she is usually at home, alone on the weekends. I am thinking about asking her if she has feelings for me. What do you think?
It sounds like she is lonely and you might be her knight in shining armor. Please be careful, especially since it is your sister-in-law. Sometimes men sense a lonely lady and feel like they would be appreciated. Keep in mind that you would be risking your relationship and hers.
My suggestion would be to keep fantasizing about her and stay safe. If she is interested in seeing more of you, I am sure she will give you the clues.
This might seem like a strange request, but I am a new to the biz,and I was hoping for some helpful advice. If there are any pointers or anything that you might want to pass along I would greatly appreciate it. I live in the Midwest and I have been escorting for about 3 months, I am kind of blind when it comes to escorting, so please advise me... Thanks, Danni
I am always willing to pass along some good suggestions to anyone new to the business. I like to consider escorting a professional relationship. Men who need company and companionship hire you to be their date for the day or evening. No need to waste time going to the bars looking for a date, they can hire a beautiful lady who arrives on time and also knows when to leave.
One of my clients likes to say, "you pay an escort to leave, not to arrive." Which means when the date is over, you leave and unless they call you, they never hear from you again.
Make sure your advertisements are accurate and clearly state what services you offer, like incall or outcall. Men who search the web know exactly what they are looking for. Make sure the description of yourself is accurate, including your age and weight.
Most of all, be professional and discreet. Always show up on time, dressed professional. Always thank a client for the date and never complain to other escorts. This is a close knit hobby.
Good luck in the business and remember to screen your clients, you need to know who you are meeting and if they have a hidden agenda.
I'm in North Florida, and I'm having some problems keeping up with my wife sexually. I am a stay at home dad, and she works at a factory full time, swing shift. For some reason, I'm 33, with no libido like it used to be. Now, don't get me wrong, I get turned on but I can seem to complete the mission so to speak. I was wondering if I can get some advice. Please note, that I am honest, and decent, and only seeking knowledge, and we'll go from there. Thanks, and hope to hear from you soon!
I have a feeling there are women all over the country reading this saying, "now you know what it feels like to be a stay at home mom." Actually, being a stay at home mom is a full time job. It has been known to affect a person's sex life. For years, men have been complaining that they come home from work and their wife complains that she is tired. Often times after changing diapers and cleaning floors all day long, you are not in the mood for sex.
Try using some of the tricks used by women for years, plan a night away from the home, hire a sitter or bring dinner home. Make sure you are not experiencing sexual dysfunctions due to the role reversal. This is common in homes where the wife goes back to work and the husband stays home with the children.
Dear Coach Julie,
I was involved with a couple that enjoyed swinging for a couple of years. They decided to take a break from the "Lifestyle" to start a family, and now that their daughter is born, they have decided to remain out of the "Lifestyle". This has left me single but looking to get back into a similar situation. What advice can you give me? Are there clubs that will accept single men that want to be in the "lifestyle"? Any suggestions would be great.
Your question is quite common. Once you find a wonderful couple or partner to play with, it is hard to replace. Most single men have trouble finding their first experience.
I would suggest you start by visiting a local swing club. Most clubs allow singles in on one or two nights a week. Make sure and be very polite and talk with the husbands. Ultimately the husbands are the ones that have a voice in choosing the lucky guy to join in a threesome.
Another suggestion is to try the local alternative newspapers. You might try putting in an ad offering your special services. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
I read your article on legalized swinging in Canada and I was wondering if you could help me. I am a 27 yr old professional from Toronto. I am interested in swinging but I do not know how to meet a female that I could get to know and perhaps become partners with. Do you know of any websites or clubs that help swingers meet partners to help them into the life style. Thanks for your help, your articles are very informative. Hope to hear from you soon.
I am so glad Canada took the lead and legalized swinging. I enjoyed writing that article on the most recent high court rulings in Canada.
As I tell most readers who write in, the best way to find someone to be friends with in the lifestyle, is to hang out at local swing clubs. It is much better to meet in person than on-line.
I am not sure about the club you plan to visit, but many swing clubs are always looking for a part time volunteer, maybe to bartend or take tickets. Consider volunteering, this is a great way to meet the members.
I hope you and yours are doing great! I have been trying to swing for a while but it's been tough. Let me tell you what I mean... I love women... I also notice men in the showers... Lol. I have been with over 50 women but... ...I have been with two men. One was white the other black. The white guy was over 10 years ago. The black guy was only recently but Hot! Extremely Hot!
What am I to do? I have found out how sexual I am. I have virtually no limits. But the black man was exceptional! Please help?
What can I say, sounds like you are bi-sexual for sure. As for as the inter-racial experience, this is very common. I hope you play safe with over 50 partners and now mixing males into your experiences. One thing is for sure, this will expand your dating options.
On a serious note, many couples enjoy MFM threesomes where the males actually play as well. This is still not found at most swing clubs, but behind closed doors, this is very common. Many swing clubs promote bi-sexual females, but not bi-sexual males.
Enjoy your play time.
My fantasy is more of a dream. I am 42 years old, married with three kids and a well respected professional in the business world. My fantasy is being a cross-dresser. I enjoy wearing ladies panties and a soft, lace silky bra.
My fantasy or dream takes place while I am traveling. I check into a hotel, get dressed as a lady and go down to the bar. A nice businessman picks me up and takes me back to his room, only to learn that I am genetically a man.
He becomes so hot and turned on, that he makes me his woman for the night. How can I get this out of my head?
Your dream or fantasy sounds exciting but be careful, some men will not be so understanding if they pick you up and take you back to their room expecting a female under that sexy dress.
My suggestion is to look on the web and find a club that welcomes or specializes in Trans-gender members. You will feel safe and secure and anyone looking to meet a beautiful lady, will know what to expect. Good luck.
Julie Wild is a Sex Coach in Atlanta Georgia. She offers phone coaching on relationship issues, including swinging and the alternative lifestyle. If you would like to find out more on Julie, please visit her web site at JulieWild.com.
Julie writes a weekly column, Ask a Swinger. She answers readers questions on sexuality and relationship topics. If you have a question for Julie, please e mail her your question at Julie@JulieWild.com