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March 13, 2006 06:05am
Dave Cummings Monthly Column "From the Trenches"
Source: DaveCummings.com
by: Dave Cummings

I'm writing this on my 66th birthday. I'm feeling a little guilty, though, mainly because my ex-wife called this morning to wish me a Happy 66th while (unknown to her) I was masturbating to the photos of the absolutely beautiful adult actresses pictured in my latest issue of a famous adult magazine---I guess I should have stopped, but I didn't.

My dilemma was not actually whether or not to stop jerking, but rather which of the many sexy girls in the magazine would be the one for me to focus my fantasizing upon at the point of climax. I politely held off during the call from my ex, but unloaded just seconds after hanging up. Another point of quasi guilt is that one of my groupies is stopping by with chocolate chip cookies and a BJ for me while she's on her lunch break from her nearby law firm. Heck, I don't need to feel quilt, not on my birthday!

I started off the day with that ex-wife phone call, followed by a 6-mile jog/brisk walk, and a nice breakfast at the beach while watching college girls on spring break sun tanning in their thong-like bikini's. After writing this monthly article, I'll shower for "groupie" Debbie's noontime BJ quickie, and then re-shower for another delivery of birthday cookies from a young wife who usually comes in and immediately calls her husband and leaves the speakerphone on so he can hear her having sex with me-it's their "thing", and he always thanks me for "doing" his wife (because, he gets laid when she gets home)! Tonight, I'll participate in a Hash House Harrier running club event, but endeavor not to drink too much beer during and after the actual run since another groupie girl is stopping by to play after she gets off work from her 3-11 Pm nursing shift at the ICU. I like the birthday attention from the groupies, but I can only handle so many of them on my actual birthday; I had to let one come by yesterday afternoon, and others are scheduled for every day and some evenings the rest of this week (and, today is only Monday!), so I'd better take some extra vitamins all of this week.

Aging has disadvantages, as well as some advantages for me personally. Physically, being 66 means more aches and pains after exercising, more wrinkles, weight gain, hearing loss (huh?), hair growing on ears and nose but not on my head, lower tolerance to alcoholic beverages, and additional recovery time between sex episodes, especially with younger women. But, being older provides more self-control sexually which allows me to last longer before losing a load, gets me senior citizen discounts at barbershops, and college girls at beach restaurants offer me seats (they probably fear me croaking from old age and interrupting their meals while the paramedics zap me with noisy paddles?). All in all, getting older both sucks and rewards me; I like my age, my life, my surroundings, and most of all my family/friends/associates. I'm blessed, especially since I'm not allergic to the home-made chocolate chip cookies some of the groupie girls bring to me; I suspect, however that some of them merely buy that supermarket cookie dough, and bake it!

Enough about this old-fart! Let's talk about you. We have important elections coming up later this year. It's an opportunity for you to register to vote, to become an informed voter, and to influence Your friends/relatives/co-workers/others to do likewise. Our freedoms for consenting adults to enjoy sex, porn, Internet sites, etc is being challenged severely by many subjective and out-of-touch legislators at all levels of government who are either ignoring the line between church and state, or are being fooled by the loud right wing church-goers who are trespassing and invading American free speech rights, and our Constitutional right to privacy. Please vote out the legislators at All levels who have sold out, and who are violating our Bill of Rights; and, please replace them with challengers who won't tread upon the American freedoms that so many have fought for during America's history!

Let's take back our beloved United States from those legislators who either knowingly or stupidly hurt the freedoms of the American citizens they are supposed to serve!

Dave Cummings
Old Fogey

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